I see you Sid, with your salt-free hat (finally). But look, it’s not a big enough distraction from that thing you call a playoff beard. Sure you scored a hattie last night but we’re going to need MOAR BEARD from you.

This friends, is the stroke of pride. 

Do you have a bottle stuffed in there or are you just happy to see me?

No, nothing?

K, how about this: SICK BEARD, BRO. 

24-year-old Matt Bartkowski looks like the kind of dude that can grow a Zetterberg-esque mountain man beard. I want to fast forward to the 2015 playoffs and see what kind of damage to our hearts he can do.

The twinkle in his sad eyes leads me to believe Gregory Campbell is unhappy with his playoff beard, but listen, if you’re reading this, you’ve got a good thing growing and you even cleaned up the neck so CHIN UP.

Never mind the beard that is true perfection, Drew Miller is a serious silver fox at only 29, and I’m just learning this now. FOR SHAME.

Sorry for not posting this week. My team made a brutal exit so I had a case of the hockey sads, but I’ll be back tomorrow with a Crosby whiskers update.

Adam Burish Round 1 Report Card

Beard: A (Notes: limited patchiness, docked marks for neck beard, please clean it up.)

Hair: C+ (Notes: too long for a beard, please get a trim and lose the hat. We see minor improvements as having maximum impact on appearance.)

Smile: A++

Logan Couture is such a pouty dope, so any facial hair is a drastic improvement, I guess.

This is just a disaster! Kaner got a changer.

Patches looking a little patchy, but it’s cool, it’s early. He at least has a couple more games to grow it in, right?